The Strong Sweet Quality
by Carleen
Summary: It's lonely at the top. Where there's no time for personal relationships & no one out there for him anyway. But, Shepard may have finally met his "type." ManShep & JVega story arch. Romance & friendship, with just a few swear words. Chapter 4 contains an adult scene. If it's not your thing then the story reasonably ends with Chapter 3. Please take a moment to read the poem.
1. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 1

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 1

LOCATION: SR-2 Normandy, Hanger Bay. 0600

**_The strong sweet quality_** he has strikes through the cotton and broadcloth,

Early in alpha shift, Lieutenant Cortez heard the elevator open and watched Commander Shepard enter the hanger bay. With a welcoming smile, and wiping his hands on a rag, Cortez cleared a space for the commander to sit down.

"Thanks Steve, but I don't have time to sit. Usual rounds," he said, returning the smile.

"Just made a fresh pot, sir. Ground the beans a few minutes ago."

The commander sighed in resignation and sat down. The coffee did smell delicious, certainly better than the swill Gardner cooked up. Taking a sip, he smiled appreciatively. "Thanks."

"Any time, John. You know that."

He did know, and he was grateful for the time, the refuge, and the camaraderie. In the short while they had known each other, the two men formed a bond. Over time, while Steve grieved for the death of his husband and Shepard offered what comfort he could, the possibility of a relationship dwindled. They were no less attracted to each other, but as time passed, they realized what they most needed was a genuine friendship.

After pouring himself a cup, Steve gestured toward the other man in the room. The young lieutenant across the bay was so focused on his workout; he didn't notice he was under scrutiny.

"Was he really your guard?"

"Yeah, they assigned him to me. I think they felt I was so dangerous that I needed a personal guard."

Shepard felt a hand grip his shoulder. "Not pleasant times, I know. On the brighter side, I'd have to admit, he could guard me anytime."

Shepard looked up in surprise. He would not have guessed Vega was Steve's type.

"What? He's gorgeous. Not your type either, huh?"

With a shrug, the commander drained his cup. "Back on earth, I was so involved with my own issues, I hardly noticed him. Besides, who knows what my type is."

"You could have your choice… Geez, Shepard. Sometimes, I just don't get you." The smile took away the harsh tone of his comment.

"My choice is always the mission or the next battle or the rare opportunity for some peace and quiet. I have no idea what my type is. No time for personal relationships."

"Hey, Give yourself some credit, Commander."

He shook his head, "This is the history of my of relationships: Short, superficial and gone before morning."

When Steve handed him a fresh cup, he stepped around to look him in the eye. "Listen to me, I may never experience what I had with Robert again. But I'll never stop believing it's possible. It's out there for you too, John. I know it."

"You're a romantic," he said, grasping the hand that touched his cheek. Don't you know that's out of fashion these days? Besides, where would I ever find blue eyes like yours?"

"A bit early in the morning for flirting, sir. But I think I can keep up."

Shepard took a step back from the hands reaching out for him. "Work calls. I'd better get over there and say hello to my new Weapons Officer. Thanks, Steve."

"Just let me know when you need a ride, Commander." He said, with a wink.

Over the short walk across the hangar bay, the commander managed to wipe the grin off his face. For a few seconds Commander Shepard watched the marine lieutenant counting his pullups. Finally, he acknowledged the presence of the commanding officer.

"Hey, Shepard. You here for the sho..."

"_Hey, Shepard?_ Hey, Lieutenant. How about you drop off that bar and show some respect for your CO."

"Yes, sir."

Giving the lieutenant a few moments to sweat, Commander Shepard made a slow analysis of what he had not noticed about the man. He was decent looking, no argument there. That is if you liked a teenaged, muscle bound, show off.

"A teenager! With all due respect, sir. I'm thirty years old."

Oh, crap, he'd said that aloud. What else had fallen out of his mouth, while he was thinking of how much he liked the look of those shoulders and firm stomach and how was it that he hadn't noticed before…?

"Are you at attention, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir."

"Did I ask you for an opinion?

"No, sir."

"When I want you to speak, I'll let you know." Commander Shepard walked around behind the lieutenant to continue his analysis, but most of all, to hide his growing unease. It was then, the scent of the man drifted to his nostrils. Strong and sweet, it entered his blood stream, heating his body and leaving a trail of primal need in its wake.


	2. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 2

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 2

LOCATION: SR-2 Normandy, Citadel

* * *

"Sir, is there something I can do for you?" He asked, turning suddenly, so they were face-to-face and no longer visible to the rest of the hangar bay. To hide his embarrassment, at being caught; the commander stuck out his hand.

"Welcome to the Normandy, Lieutenant Vega. Glad to have you on my team."

The strong grip of the lieutenant caught him by surprise. The marine's hands were larger than his were. The younger man took advantage of that fact by enclosing Shepard's hand in his. The battle was on. Shepard would not pull his hand away, and Vega would not let go. Hemmed in by storage containers and Vega's worktable behind them. The tension grew as they were cocooned in a this private space and breathing each other's breath. Vega slid is forefinger to commander's wrist. Brown eyes riveted on blue as he felt the commander's racing heartbeat under his fingertip.

Shepard was not about to back down. A long slow breath filled his senses with the handsome man in front of him. The commander found himself wishing they were anywhere but here. Somewhere quiet. The timber of the othere man's voice gentled him and he wanted to hear more of it. The entire story of the marine's life interested him. The scar across his nose and cheek? Did James' wish him to go take care of whoever did that to him?

"Happy to be here, sir. I repeat is there something I can do for you?"

"Not at this time."

"Understood. If I may say, sir. I am also pleased you're back where you belong. I couldn't be much help to you on earth. I want to ask you… I want you to know… You were one hell of a role model to me back there. Now that we're here. I intend to learn all I can from you."

Then Vega snapped back to attention, and the moment was over. The commander's hand hovered in the air

"I don't need hero worship, Lieutenant. I need a cohesive and functional crew. Working at maximum efficiency in order for us to succeed in this mission."

"Aye, sir! Just wanted to know where my goals and my interests lay." Vega spoke those last words directly into Shepard's eyes.

Shepard felt himself swallow and his breath catch. _Damn it!_

From across the hanger, Lieutenant Cortez called out, "Hey rookie! I need some muscle over here."

"As you were, Lieutenant."

The elevator offered sanctuary for Shepard as he escaped those deep brown eyes. Eyes, which now burned into his retinas like a flash of bright light. The man's scent tickled his nose and the touch of his skin had his heart pounding. Well, what in the hell was this about?

Attraction was nothing new. Women and men often vied for his attention. He couldn't help his looks. Staying fit was part of his job as a soldier and his obligation as a role model to his crew went with the job. Life was less complicated back when he'd been Anderson's exec. There were occasional moments when he had let someone get close. They never lasted. There was always the mission, the training and the paperwork. The career and the work always came first. When had he simply enjoyed a moment? Taken the time to savor a taste… The door to his quarters slid open distracting him from his thoughts. Empty. The fish tank: Empty. His bed: Empty.

Last night he had taken Yeoman Traynor up on her offer of a "game night." How was he supposed to know she meant chess? Then, when he'd offered her the opportunity to stay for post game activities she'd told him exactly why she liked the sound of EDI's voice. That'd been more than a little embarrassing. She'd softened the blow with her usual good cheer and the promise of a rematch.

He thought about that night he'd invited Yeoman Chambers to his quarters. That seemed like a sure thing. Until she'd started dancing. That'd been, well not just not right. She did have a hot body. He just hadn't been interested. Perhaps, in the future, he should avoid yeoman. Then it occurred to him that he meant female yeoman. The memories of Traynor and Chambers charms paled and receded as thoughts of his weapons officer intruded.

Shepard sat down on the side of his bed and scrubbed a hand across his head. The stubble on his scalp matched the stubble on his cheeks. He needed a haircut and a shower. And, how many times had he worn this uniform?

"Commander Shepard we're entering Citadel space. Do you require transport?" EDI inquired over the ship's Comm system.

"Not necessary, but thanks anyway."

"ETA, fifteen minutes."

Just enough time for a shower and clean uniform. Trying to decide what to wear, he studied himself in the mirror. Brown leather pants with matching sleeveless leather vest? Too desperate. Jeans and leather N7 jacket? Too cute._ Crap_.

"Traynor, get up here."

Thirty minutes later, a showered and clean-shaven John Shepard, headed for the docking facilities. The navy blue polo shirt showed off the blue of his eyes and the casual khaki pants showed off… well the rest of him. Traynor watched appreciatively, as he exited the ship. She also noticed with some surprise, that he was alone: No Garrus, no Cortez, or Zaeed.

The Citadel elevator dropped him off at Purgatory. As he headed for the entrance, he noticed James Vega headed toward him with hands deep in his pockets and head down.

"Lieutenant?"

"Commander! I didn't realize… you were… You're not headed in there are you?"

"Well, it's the only place I know of to get a drink around here. At least, a legal drink."

Vega shook his head, "Commander you need to get out of the house more often. Trust me?"

Shepard found himself unable to resist the open smile and innocent question. Vega waited for his response.

"I promise to get you home before curfew, commander. Don't worry, I won't bite you."

"You mean… you do bite?"

"Well, not in public. Coming, sir?"

Two flights of stairs and an elevator ride later, James ushered them through a door, which led into an area totally hidden from the corridor outside. There was a terrace with intimate tables and indoor area with a bar and a small dance floor. The strains of smooth jazz music filtered out to the patio. Very nice, Shepard thought.

After greeting the proprietor as if they were best friends, James ordered for both of them. "Straight up single malt for my friend and the usual for me.

"How did you know what I drank?"

"I pay attention. Inside or out?"

"Let's sit out here. Seems peaceful."

Alone with their drinks, James stayed silent as he watched Shepard survey their surrounds and finally begin to relax. The notes of Nina Simone's "I Put a Spell on You" drifted out to their table. Shepard closed his eyes, tossing his drink back in one gulp.

"Memories?" Vega asked softly.

Shepard shrugged. "You mean like memories of someone special? No. Nothing like that. Maybe a little melacholy. That voice of her's has that affect."

A hand slipped into his and Vega stood, tugging gently but insistently. "Then let's make some memories for you. Dance with me?"

"Lieutenant."

"No lieutenants here, Shepard. Just you and me."

Had he stood on his own or had Vega pulled him to his feet? Either way, he felt strong capable arms slide around his shoulders. Although he tried to resist, his head came to rest on a perfectly comfortable spot on Vega's shoulder. No clumsy adjustments. Their bodies fit together and moved naturally. The sensation of dancing was as if their bodies were melting together. For a few minutes Shepard allowed it. However, when he felt Vega press his hand to his lips, and whisper something in Spanish, he stiffened.

_"Te amo porque has cambiado mi vida, y has dado rumbo a mi corazón."_

"What did you say?"

"Nothing important. I... I'm pushing too hard. Forget it."

The moment was broken. "Thank you for the drink, Lieutenant. I'd better get back to the ship."

Vega dropped his arms, "John, don't go."

"I have to."

"Why?"

"Because this, he said, gesturing to the two of them, always turns out to be an illusion."

Vega moved closer to Shepard and said, "I'm no illusion. I just held you in my arms. Did I feel like an illusion to you?"

"You just don't get it." Shepard said and walked away feeling like ten kinds of a fool for allowing himself to be pulled into that silly romantic moment.

"No sir, I get it. I get it all too well," Vega replied to the empty space where Shepard had stood with his arms wrapped around him so tight the marine could hardly draw a breath.

* * *

**Te amo porque has cambiado mi vida, y has dado rumbo a mi corazón: **_I love you because you've changed my life, and have given direction to my heart_

AN: "I Put a Spell on You" Nina Simone

I usually add the lyrics, but I want you to experience this for yourself you tube watch?v=xDprYZ-tgiA&feature=plcp


	3. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 3

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 3

LOCATION: SR-2 Normandy. Post Mission, Priority: Thessia. Shepard's Quarters

* * *

_The night I looked at you_

_I found a dream that I can speak to_

_A dream that I could call my own_

* * *

Entering his quarters, he began tossing pieces of his armor across the room. Disgusted at the horrible losses on Thessia, he gave in to his frustration. The Asari people might never recover and it was his fault. If he could have responded sooner. If the Council had only listened to him months ago.

Yes, they'd found the answers they'd needed. But they'd gained a new enemy. An enemy who'd almost single-handedly taken them all out. Liara wounded and emotionally shattered over the death of her home world. James, seriously wounded by a Banshee and fighting for his life in Med Bay. Thessia itself reduced to rubble. The same thing that was happening to earth right now. Commander Shepard paced his quarters, his anger, and guilt chewing at his gut. He should go down to Med Bay and check on them. But his anger comsumed him. So dark was his mood that he failed to notice to door to his quarters open and close.

Shepard clenched his fist and in anger aimed at the transparent aquarium wall. He hated that damn fish tank. As he took a swing, his biotics to exploded to life.

Until, another hand shot out across his vision and caught his fist.

"And you question why I call you Loco?"

"James, I thought you were in Med Bay?"

"I'm okay. Besides, the Doc had enough to do without babysitting me. I wanted to check on you."

"Why?" He asked, pulling his hand from Vega's grip.

"You always check on everyone else, I have yet to see anyone checking on you."

Shepard shook his head. "I'm fine."

"Of course, you're the commander. You're bulletproof. I see it. Hell, I'm a Marine, and we're indestructible."

Commander Shepard watched the color drain out of the other man's face and stepped forward quickly to catch him as he sagged to his knees.

James was barely conscious, so instead of the couch, Shepard took him straight to the bed. Sitting down next to him, Shepard checked his pulse and touched his face. "James? You with me?"

"Yeah, I'm here… nowhere else I'd rather… 'course, not exactly the way I planned to get into your bed."

"James… don't"

"Wanted to thank you for saving my life back there on Thessia. You got that Banshee off me."

"No thanks necessary. You're my crew and my responsibility. I'd…"

"I know, I know. You'd do the same for any of us." Vega turned his face away, shifting uncomfortably. Let me up, I should go back to Med Bay."

Shepard stayed silent as he carefully pulled off Vega's boots. The dog tags landed on the bedside table. Covering him with a blanket, Shepard allowed his hands to drift down over those magnificent shoulders.

"I would do the same for any of my crew. James, I found, in that moment, of watching the Banshee take you down. I had to save you. Save you, no matter what, because…"

"Tell me_." _James cupped his hand around the Commander's face. Shepard couldn't stop himself from leaning into the siren call of its warmth.

"Because, I want to finish that dance with you. And I don't know how that got to be so damned important. But it _is_."

James slid his thumb across the commander's lips.

"I like what I'm hearing, Loco."

"Yeah. Crazy, he nodded in agreement. That's what I must be. To allow myself this."

"What's so bad for you, that you can't give yourself a bit of time?"

"This is, he brushed his lips against James's mouth and felt him draw in air as he pulled away. But, not just for now, or only tonight, or to watch you walk away in the morning."

"Then don't let me leave."

"Is it that simple?"

"Hey, I'm not exactly a veteran at this stuff. I've ridden my instincts about you since the first moment I met you back on earth."

"Instincts?"

"Yeah, my soldier's instincts. They tell me, this is ground I need to fight for. To earn. I might even be close to winning. James pulled Shepard's head down and kissed him. Against his mouth he said, if I win the battle, I will guard and protect it."

"So you expect me to just surrender?"

"Hell no, Loco. I want you to fight. Our fights will be glorious, almost as good as making up."

Curling his arms around James's head and shoulders, Shepard relaxed and gave in to the kiss.

"Not that I want you stop. Pain meds are slamming my eyes shut. Last chance to kick me out... Don't stop kissing... me..."

Shepard only stopped when he felt Jame's lips and jaw go slack. Then he rose up and for a long time just watched James sleeping. After a quick shower, he found more pain meds in the marine's pocket. After he set them on the table where James could reach them, the Commander climbed into the bed. Lacing his hand through the sleeping man's fingers, he watched for any signs that this illusion might disappear. Finally, as he began to believe the reality of the peace and quiet. The deep breathing and warm body next to him soon lulled him to sleep. Just the same, he kept his finger on Jame's pulse.

* * *

_At last _  
_My love has come along_  
_My lonely days are over_  
_And life is like a song_

_Oh yeah yeah_  
_At last_

_The skies above are blue_  
_My heart was wrapped up in clover_  
_The night I looked at you_

_I found a dream, that I could speak to_  
_A dream that I can call my own_  
_I found a thrill to press my cheek to_  
_A thrill that I have never known_

_Oh yeah yeah_  
_You smiled, you smiled_  
_Oh and then the spell was cast_  
_And here we are in heaven_  
_for you are mine..._

_At Last_

"At Last" Etta James: you tube watch?v=_1uunRdQ61M&feature=related


	4. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 4

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 4, _Children, go where I send thee_

LOCATION: NAS North Island San Diego, California

AN: One more warning: Sex on the beach... No, not the drink.

* * *

The day they decommissioned his ship, he walked down the ramp and never looked back. He loved his ship, but in an abstract way that didn't make him sad to leave her. She'd taken care of him and his crew and brought them home from places they had no right to survive. Now the people were gone, scattered around the galaxy.

Steve found the love he missed and moved to Mars Colony with his new husband. Garrus went home to Palaven and a hero's welcome. The 'Fleet gathered Tali up and made a triumphant trip back to Rannoch. Joker stayed on earth teaching aviation at the Alliance Military Academy. EDI was there with him working in the Robotic Technology Department.

Right now, as he walked slowly away from the, docking facilities, he missed them. He missed the discussions, fighting side by side, working with a team, and the endless string of sleepless nights when there was always someone to talk to. Always someone else who couldn't sleep either. He'd watched Tali grow up, Garrus mature and Steve learn to love again. Getting on with their lives was the best gift he could give them. He'd skipped the farewell parties and got out of their way. He hadn't even said goodbye.

Anderson had begged him to stay in Vancouver. He'd even thought about resigning his commission. After four years in Vancouver, Shepard needed to move on. Now here he was walking down The Strand on North Island in San Diego. Same ocean, same coastline, but everything seemed different here. Even the air was different. Warm and humid it lacked that ever-present chill of Vancouver. The sun warmed his back and he removed his jacket. Seagulls wheeled and screeched against the vivid blue sky.

After noting the location of Visiting Officer's Quarters on North Island, he headed toward the 'wet side' of the base and the pounding surf. At the edge of the sand, he paused to watch sailors exercising. Not much had changed since he'd been in officer's training school. They were still doing their push ups to the shouted cadence of _Courage! Honor! Commitment!_

Further down the beach, groups of sailors ran along the surf line. For a moment he watched them, racing each other and laughing. He wanted this; he wanted this world, the real word. So long in space, he realized a few months ago, that he yearned for his feet back on the ground. After the Battle for Earth, there was no wish they wouldn't grant him. So they made him an Admiral and put him in charge of the Western Region. With a staff and personal shuttle for travelling up and down the coast, he was ready to get back to work. At thirty-eight, he was the youngest officer ever appointed to an admiralty.

Dropping his bag and jacket on the sand, Rear Admiral John Shepard inhaled the salty tang of the Pacific Ocean into his lungs. He stood there for a long time listening to the rhythmic crash of the waves against the shore and the sounds of birds. It was better to be alone, like this, no expectations, no disappointments.

The sun was sinking into the ocean when Shepard noticed a lone runner heading up the beach. As he jogged along, the man swung his arms in a cadenced series of boxing punches. Shepard rose to his feet as the runner approached. His head finally heard what his heart had been telling him for the last five minutes. In a pair of Hawaiian-loud enough to wake the dead-print swimming trunks and nothing else was James Vega.

He should say something. He should stop him and say hello. He should wave. But the runner swept past him and Shepard watched him head into the gloom of twilight. Should he follow?

_James._

With a pounding heart, Shepard watched the man disappear. He had no right even to speak to the man, he thought, as he sank down to the sand. Through his own stupidity, he'd allowed an important relationship slip out of his hands. Steve had warned him and James had done his best to reach out to him, but he never heard their words.

As time spiraled down to their last mission on earth, Shepard had reverted to his old, self-involved and self-destructive self. With the realization he probably wouldn't survive the battle he'd cut ties with everyone. After the battle, after everyone took account and realized they were actually still alive, Shepard had mended his fences with the entire crew. Everyone, except Lieutenant Vega. The damage had been done. The lieutenant requested and been granted reassignment. Shepard never asked where and James had never contacted him again. By the time he'd looked up, from his own self-involvement, James was gone.

"What the _hell_ is Admiral Shepard doing on _my_ beach?"

The voice came from behind him and as he turned to face the familiar baritone, he found himself wrapped in bands of steel. It was all there: Slim hips, firm waist and the strength of his embrace. The familiar scent of the man's sweat mixed with the exotic smell of suntan lotion assaulted his scenes. Shepard sank willingly into the embrace.

Then James dragged him down to the sand, pressing him flat with his body. James pinned Shepard's arms above his head and straddled him. With a ragged breath, James slanted his mouth over Shepard's. The Admiral didn't fight it. He wanted it. All of it.

"What are you doing here?" James growled, shoving Shepard's legs apart and ground himself against the Admiral's hips. Shepard locked a leg around James' hips.

_Yes! All of it, right now, on this beach. _Shepard hissed against his mouth, "I missed you!"

But this was no way to apologize...

His shirt disappeared and James let go of his lips long enough to sink his teeth into the curve of his pectoral muscle. Against his skin, James, grated out, "Yeah, missed you too."

Shepard bucked his hips in response.

"I missed… James! This is no way to... wait. Ah!"

James tongue dipped into Shepard's naval and continued to travel down his stomach. When James released him to the cool night air, he lost all ability to resist or stop. Reason left him as Vega engulfed him with his mouth.

Shepard arched his body off the sand and for a moment opened his eyes to the night sky. If there had been anyone else in the last four years since he'd been with James, he forgot all about them as James worked his magic. They were nothing. Nothing compared to the way this man loved him.

He hadn't forgotten what his CO liked and James teased him over and over lowering his mouth and tongue over him. By the time, James allowed him to bump against the back of his throat, Shepard hands twisted into James' short hair as he repeated the marine's name. Short blunt fingers stroked his prostate in rhythm to the motions of his mouth and lips.

"James... only you."

Shepard thought he heard James snarl. Was it anger? The marine showed no mercy and Shepard couldn't defend against the onslaught of his senses. His nerve endings flared and caught fire as he pushed himself deeper into James' mouth. Then in a shattering climax of blinding need, Shepard cried out as he emptied himself into James. His fingers clawed and scratched deeply into the sand.

The night strengthened its hold while they rested against each other. Shepard stroked the head that lay on his thigh. They had much to talk about. First, he needed to apologize and explain. When he could move, he pulled James toward him, curling his body to meet him. So much for them to talk about. James would understand. Everything was fine now.

To Shepard's surprise James stood abruptly and took a long sip from his water bottle.

"Where are you going? Come here. You need..."

James tilted his head back and laughed, "With all due respect, _Admiral._ You don't know what the fuck I need."

By the time Shepard recovered his senses and dressed himself, James was several yards up the beach. Shepard started after him, then remembered his bag and jacket. Once he retrieved them James was gone.

As is common for pacific coasts nights, the air turned chilly. The darkness surrounded him in its cold and lonely embrace. Shepard shrugged into this jacket and made it to the lifeguard shack before his trembling knees gave way. Sinking down to the bottom step, he buried his face in his hands. Utterly shaken by what had just happened, selfish bastard was only one of the names he hurled at himself that night. The other names burned in his gut and etched themselves across what was left of his spirit. With a long day stretched out behind him, his tired eyes slipped closed.

He awoke to a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, buddy. You okay?"

Shepard opened his eyes to weak sunlight filtering through morning fog. Blinking, he tried to focus on the man speaking to him.

"James?"

"Sorry, the name's Dave. You need a ride? A doc?"

His red shorts and white t-shirt identified the man as a lifeguard.

"I'm fine. Just fell asleep. I'm staying across the street. Thanks though."

Shepard gathered his bag and walked toward billeting. He felt sick and over tired, like he'd been drinking all night. The entrance to NAS North Island loomed in front of him. Shepard straightened up and retrieved his ID.

The guard's eyes widened as the checked Shepard's ID and compared it to the man standing in front of him. A beat later the guard snapped a salute.

"Welcome to NAS, North Island, Admiral. May I get a ride for you, sir?"

"I'd rather walk. As you were, Corporal."

"Yes, sir!"

This was no way to make a first impression. He needed a shave and a shower and real sleep. Word would get around quickly about the admiral who showed up at the gate with a two-day beard and sand on his rumpled clothes.

Shepard didn't notice the marine who followed him through the gate. Major Vega stopped and the guard saluted again.

Vega turned the full force of his marine military bearing on the man, "Do I need to worry about what you just saw getting repeated?"

"No sir!"

"Because if I hear it repeated anywhere on this base, Corporal. Anywhere in San Diego _fucking_ County, I'll come straight back to you. Understood?"

"Understood, sir!"

Major James Vega followed the Admiral to billeting just to make sure he actually arrived. Once he saw Shepard enter the billeting office, he made a quick turn toward his own office. He really hated watching sailors and marines ducking into buildings or turning the other way as he approached. He was just like them, after all. Just another marine with a job to do. The long hours, the responsibility, the endless meetings, didn't bother him. Watching his people evade him just to avoid saluting did. That's why he spent time getting to know the marines under his command. And working in the community gave him a good balance.

In spite of his best intentions at putting last night out of his mind, memories of John Shepard crept in. Nothing before or since had been as intense as his time with John. He'd been prepared to commit to that man and with a little push from Shepard, ready to call it love. Then it all turned into a shit storm with the Battle for Earth and its aftermath. Forced to watch Shepard turn back in on himself, he was pretty sure his heart had broken. Yeah, stupid cliché, but that's what it felt like. So he'd packed up his stuff, left whatever remained of his in Shepard's quarters and put it all behind him. Had he forgotten John Shepard? No. He tried to bury those dreams with a string of women and empty relationships. That grew stale very quickly and in the last couple of years he'd simply stopped looking and focused his attention on the job and the kids.

With a shower, shave and four hours of sleep behind him, Admiral Shepard sat on the edge of his bed deep in thought. Rank did have its privileges and he'd ordered breakfast brought to him. Normally, all sailors used the mess hall for meals. No one dared question the admiral when he asked for breakfast brought to his room. Yeah, it was nice.

When a quiet knock signaled his meal, Shepard opened the door. Instead of the petty officer, Major Vega stood in his doorway with a tray of food in his hands.

"Your breakfast, Admiral. Where would you like me to place it, sir?"

Several responses flashed across his mind, but none seemed appropriate to the surprise at seeing James standing in the doorway and the memory of what he'd done to this man. Or what happened last night or what to do next. He did manage to take the tray and drop it on the desk.

"The coffee is fresh, sir. Had them brew some fresh for you."

"James? Last night…"

"Apologies, sir. A momentary lapse. Won't happen again."

"What if I want it to happen again? James, please come in. We can't continue this conversation in the hallway."

Vega took two steps into the room. Just far enough so Shepard could close the door behind him.

"I didn't know you were stationed here when I accepted the assignment."

"Good to know you didn't come here to find me. Puts me in my place. Clarifies the situation. Good to know."

"I didn't mean it that way. James, please come in and sit down. Tell me how you've been. Look at you. You're a major now."

"We will meet at staff meetings and the occasional event. Other than that we shouldn't run into each other. Just so you know, I live and spend my free time off base. Am I dismissed, Admiral?"

Apparently, there was no way to retrieve what they once had. No way to apologize, no way to make it right. He could hardly blame him. He looked so good standing there in his marine uniform. Shepard hadn't known, Vega made major. With no clear way to make amends, Shepard nodded silently. As James turned to go he noticed a set of dog tags laying on the desk. Shepard had been holding them in his hand when breakfast and James Vega arrived.

The marine scooped up the chain and glanced at the identification. "You kept these? Why? Why!" He asked, his voice rising in anger.

"You know why."

"No, I don't know! Just a dumb kid's dream. That's all it ever was and you proved it."

What could he really say to make this any different that it was? Guilty of all charges. Selfish and self-centered. It was the way he'd learned to survive on growing up on the street.

"Is there anything I can say, James?"

"Not at this time, sir. If you'll excuse me, Admiral?"

Shepard stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "If you won't talk to me now, then why last night? Why are you here?"

"Damned if know, John. I saw you on the beach yesterday. The funny thing was, I was thinking of you as I ran and there you were." James laughed with a short angry sound.

"I'm happy to see you." Shepard's hand slipped up from James' shoulder to his neck. "You look so good," he whispered stroking James' cheek lightly with his finger.

James shied away and opened the door. "Not again, John. I can't do this again. Like I said, we won't run into each other very often on the base. So no problem there. Good day, sir."

Shepard managed to get the coffee down, but he never did eat the food.

A month went by, then two months. Spring rolled over into summer and everything was blooming. The surfers were out every day now. He watched them as he ran down the beach. Worried that he'd put on weight sitting behind a desk, the beautiful weather made getting outside a pleasure.

He'd settle in to his new job, formed a working relationship with his staff and got the work done. The first day he stayed late, the second week he stayed until seven. Now he rarely got back to his quarters before midnight. Plenty of work to do to keep him busy and away from thinking about the absence of a personal life. He liked it that way.

To his dismay, all that desk work had softened him up, so he'd given himself a rare day off to go running. He'd picked sunset, his favorite time of the day and took off down the shoreline. Streaks of orange and red splashed across the western sky, when the lone runner took a new path through a huddle of small buildings. The first thing he noticed was the smell of a campfire, the second was the sound of children's voices and he slowed his pace.

He stopped in his tracks when he heard a young voice, "Tell us a ghost story, Mister V! Please!"

A chorus of 'please' followed, along with a plea for hearing about reapers. Shepard followed the sound and found himself on the edge of a circle a two dozen or so children of a variety of ages. There was James, with a young child on his lap.

Shepard felt a hand on his calf and looked down, startled at the unexpected touch.

"Hey mister. You gonna sit here with us and listen to Mister V's stories? He always tells good ones."

The little girl made room for him and Shepard found himself seated between the little girl and another boy of about ten.

"What's your name?" The little boy asked.

"John. My name is John. Are you guys on a camping trip?"

"Kinda. We live in an orphanage and Mister V spends time with us. After dinner and stories he'll take us back to the orphanage."

"An orphanage?" Shepard responded like he'd never heard of one before. "How long have you been in the orphanage?"

"Me and my sister, he said indicating the girl seated next to Shepard were brought here after the battle with the reapers. 'Lots of us were left alone after that."

Shepard could only stare at the boy. His innocent words hit him hard, cutting into his heart like a red laser. He'd never thought of this aspect of the war. How many children lost their mothers and fathers or sisters and brothers? While he'd been running around the galaxy playing Commander Shepard, thousands of children lost their homes and families.

"Are you okay, Mister?"

"Yeah, kid. I'm okay. Let's listen to the story."

"William."

"What?"

"My name is William, not kid. I think I used to have another name, but I forgot it. Do you still have two names?"

* * *

AN: Some of this chapter I took from my own experiences in the Navy Reserve at NAS, North Island. We really did our 'PT' or physical training on the beach and shouted honor courage, commitment to the cadence of our pushups. Plenty of Lieutenants and Commanders out there, sadly, I never met James Vega or a Commander Shepard out there… hehehe

AN: Picked this song to go along with my "Nina Simone" theme. In this usage, the song serves as a metaphor for John and James' relationship and the orphaned children.

**Children Go Where I Send Thee, Nina Simone**: youtube: W6VGwBKU7Fw

**First verse:**

_Children, go where I send thee  
How shall I send thee?  
I'm gonna send thee one-by-one  
One for the little bitty baby  
Wrapped in swaddling clothing  
Lying in the manger  
Born, born oh, born in Bethlehem._

_**Second verse:**_

_Children, go where I send thee  
How shall I send thee?  
I'm gonna send thee two-by-two  
Two for Paul and Silas  
One for the little bitty baby  
Wrapped in swaddling clothing  
Lying in the manger  
Born, born oh, born in Bethlehem._

_**Consecutive Versus:**_

_Three-by-three: Three for the Hebrew children..._

_Four-by-four: Four for the four that stood at the door..._

_Five-by-five: Five for the gospel preachers..._

_Six-by-six: Six for the six that never got fixed..._

_Seven-by-seven: Seven for the seven that never got to Heaven..._

_Eight-by-eight: Eight for the eight that stood at the gate..._

_Nine-by-nine: Nine for the nine all dressed so fine..._

_Ten-by-ten: Ten for the Ten Commandments..._

_Eleven-by-eleven: Eleven for the eleven deriders..._

_Twelve-by-twelve: Twelve for the twelve Apostles..._


	5. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 5

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 5, _Someone Like You_

LOCATION: NAS North Island, San Diego, California

* * *

"Do I still have two names?" Shepard repeated the question. "Of course, I have two names."

"You're lucky. Most of us don't remember our other names. I'm just William and my sister is Jesse."

"She was just a baby back then?" Shepard asked.

"Yeah," the little boy nodded solemnly. "My dad said, you take care of her William. You take care of your baby sister until I get back."

"He never came back, did he William?"

He shook his head, "No, sir. I've been waiting a long time."

Shepard found himself placing his arm around the boy. "You did a good job taking care of her, William."

"He's bossy," his sister commented.

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Okay, you two. I should get going. Enjoy your story."

As Shepard got to his feet and turned to leave a familiar voice cut through the chatter.

"John Shepard. Why don't you tell the story of about how you almost single-handedly killed the Reaper ship?"

He heard one or two gasps from the older children. They were old enough to remember the name Commander Shepard and they came to their feet to get a look at him. They whispered his name and passed the word to the other kids. Shepard felt embarrassed and more than a little angry at James for making him the center of attention. He should just walk away. This was ridiculous and attention he hadn't asked for and certainly didn't want. Thanks James. Thanks a lot.

The children began peppering him with questions.

"Commander Shepard? Do you still have the Normandy?"

"Yeah, can we go see it?"

"Sir, tell us about Garrus. Was he really your best friend?"

"We want to hear about the Reaper ship!"

"When I grow up I'm going to be just like Z'eed Mass… Massana… Massano… Massan…? How do you say it, Commander?"

That got Shepard's attention and he turned toward the question. "It's Zaeed Massani and you sure as hell will not grow up to be like him."

A collective gasp and a hailstorm of, "He said a bad word!" Skittered across the crowd. James laughed.

"You'll have to tell a story now, John. If you say a bad word you have to tell a story of your own. Those are the rules."

"REAPER! REAPER! REAPER!"

Shepard joined James at the front of the crowd and attempted to pull up memories he'd rather stay buried.

He started speaking, quietly at first. The words came slowly. Memories twisted in his mind, taking on different meanings. As he spoke the words, he questioned his own interpretation of the events and the people around him. There was Garrus. By his side, always. Watching out for him. Always there with advice or just an ear. Garrus the archangel. Garrus the bravest and most selfless man he'd ever met. And Steve, also a friend and confidant. Why wasn't he still in contact with those people?

"Garrus Vakarian… He was-you're right-he was my best friend. I just didn't know it until now."

"Did Garrus help you kill the Reaper ship?"

"No, he stayed on the Normandy. Taking care of things for me. We… we were on a planet called Rannoch, with another friend of mine. Rannoch is the quarian home world.

"_TALI!_"

Shepard couldn't stop it when a smile cracked his clenched jaw. "Yes, her name is Tali. She was very happy to be home. But there was a Reaper ship there and Geth who didn't want us there at all. We fought our way through several Geth hostiles."

"You hadn't made friends with them yet, right?"

"That's right," Shepard nodded.

"What'sa hostile?"

"A bad guy, you dummy! You're such a baby."

"You think _YOU'RE SO SMART_ just because you're older and you remember everything! Just because you can remember your mom and dad!"

Vega held up his hands and quickly silenced the children. They sometimes fought like this. Many of them were old enough to remember life before the Battle for Earth. But most of them were too young and either had just the nightmares or no memory of it at all. Then Shepard started speaking again and the crowd hushed on their own.

"You are lucky if you remember your parents… I don't remember my mine."

"But everyone has a mommy and a daddy," a little girl in the front row reminded him.

"I must have, but I never knew them. I grew up just like you. Only I didn't live in an orphanage."

"Then who took care of you?" This was from Jesse who'd walked up from the back row with her brother in tow.

"I guess, I took care of myself, Jesse."

"But who fed you and read you stories and made sure you didn't wake up scared and alone?" She asked crawling into his lap.

Spreading his arms at the intrusion of the small girl with a mop of auburn curls, inquisitive blue eyes and a smudged face, Shepard realized he'd never held a child before. Never had the time. Never wanted to.

Before he could give her the simple answer that no one had, she went on. "Don't worry. We'll take care of you now. Won't we, William?"

"We will, Jesse. Here comes Ms. Brown. We have to go now, sir. Will you come back next week?"

"Will you come back, John?" James stood behind him, the man's breath a whisper across his neck.

He could hardly refuse, with the sea of expectant faces all waiting for his answer. "Yes, I promise. I'll see you next week."

"YEAH!"

James and John watched the children follow their teacher to the transport. The night went completely quiet once they were alone.

"James? Those children…"

"They're the part of the battle we never saw."

"Why do you do this?" Shepard asked, sharply. "There's more than enough work at the base!"

"Because this is my home town. This is something I can give back."

"Didn't we give enough four years ago… five years ago? Didn't I?"

* * *

Someone Like You, Adele

watch?v=qu_foFqOXzAI

I heard that you're settled down  
_That you found a girl and you're married now._  
_ I heard that your dreams came true._  
_ Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you._

_ Old friend, why are you so shy?_  
_ Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light._

_ I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_  
_ But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._  
_ I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded_  
_ That for me it isn't over._

_ Never mind, I'll find someone like you_  
_ I wish nothing but the best for you too_  
_ Don't forget me, I beg_  
_ I remember you said,_  
_ "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_  
_ Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead"_

_ You know how the time flies_  
_ Only yesterday was the time of our lives_  
_ We were born and raised_  
_ In a summer haze_  
_ Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

_ I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_  
_ But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it._  
_ I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded_  
_ That for me it isn't over._

_ Never mind, I'll find someone like you_  
_ I wish nothing but the best for you too_  
_ Don't forget me, I beg_  
_ I remember you said,_  
_ "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

_ Nothing compares_  
_ No worries or cares_  
_ Regrets and mistakes_  
_ They are memories made._  
_ Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

_ Never mind, I'll find someone like you_  
_ I wish nothing but the best for you_  
_ Don't forget me, I beg_  
_ I remember you said,_  
_ "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

_ Never mind, I'll find someone like you_  
_ I wish nothing but the best for you too_  
_ Don't forget me, I beg_  
_ I remember you said,_  
_ "Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,_  
_ Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." _


	6. The Strong Sweet Quality Chapter 6

TITLE: The Strong Sweet Quality

CHAPTER: 6, _ But that's not the shape of my heart_

LOCATION: NAS North Island, San Diego, California

* * *

Petty Officer 1st Class Brown watched the admiral and noted his body language. She's been the Admiral Shepard's administrative aide for the past four months and she's good at judging his moods now. The admiral is known for his temper so it paid to watch for any sign of a dust up. Did she find him handsome? Of course. Did she agree, with the others, who referred to him as Admiral Hard-ass, that he's basically a dick? Absolutely not. Did she think he was the unhappiest man she'd ever met. Definitely. Where do you go after you saving the galaxy? How do you top that success?

The Admiral Shepard handed the PADD back to her, "Thank you. That will be all. Would you close the door on your way out?"

"Aye, sir."

She had her hand on the door when he spoke again, "Enjoy your weekend, _First_."

"Thank you, Admiral. You do the same."

Then he gave her that endearing lopsided grin and simply shrugged his shoulders. While most women would've given their careers to be the recipient of that grin, she noticed it never reached his eyes. He always wished her a pleasant weekend. She always noticed, based on the pile of work waiting for her on Monday mornings, that he spent most of his weekend in the office.

When the outer door of his office closed, Admiral John Shepard turned to his office windows. Below his top floor office a picturesque view of the of The Strand lay before him. Beyond the shoreline, a storm front gathered strength out on the ocean. Flashes of lightening were just visible on the horizon and the waves crashed relentlessly against the shore. He noticed the tide was up and the birds were settling into shelter. Further down the beach, a team of BUD/S trainees ran the obstacle course. He envied their activity and wondered if he could join them. Enter BUD School at his age? His age? He was thirty-eight years old...He felt one hundred and thirty-eight.

John Shepard rested his forehead against his arm and watched as the palm trees began to bow and flex in the wind and the first rain drops splattered against his window.

Behind him his administrative assistant spoke to someone. Her voice rising. Then Shepard heard footsteps and he turned as he door opened. "Major, you do not have an appointment. The admiral asked not to be disturbed. Please, sir!"

Then Major Vega entered his office in long strides with Brown in his wake.

"It's okay, _First_. It's Friday. Go on, get out of here."

"Thank you, sir."

"James?"

There were rain drops on the man's shoulders and his dark hair. Shepard couldn't help himself, he reached out a hand to touch the moisture. The major helplessly turned his cheek against Shepard's palm.

Damn this man, James thought. Damn him for the effect he has on me and damn his cold heart.

Outside the storm broke against the shore. At the edge of his hearing, Shepard was aware of the Navy trainees shouting to each other as they ran for the bus.

Then James shook his head and moved away from Shepard's touch. "Sir, I'm not here for that. James nodded toward Shepard's hand. I need your help.,"

Shepard reached for the retreating man. "What's going on, James?" Shepard asked, stepping back and crossing his arms over his chest, his hands squeezing into fists.

James ran his fingers through his hair. "It's the kids. You remember Jesse and her brother William? They ran away. No one noticed until this morning they were even gone."

"So what can I possibly do? I spent time with them. That's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

The major squared off in front of Shepard. Scared for the kids and frustrated with the man in front of him, "Goddamnit, Shepard! It's not always about you!"

"Careful with your words, Major."

Instead of giving in to his temper, Vega straightened his shoulders and grated, "With respect, Admiral. I formally request your assistance in locating the children." James handed Shepard a small scrap of paper. "Read it."

James didn't allow him to read the note before he lashed out again. "Those two kids decided to follow your example of living on their own. We have no idea where they are or where they might have gone."

While Shepard continued to study the note. The scrawled words, written in blue crayon, glared back at him accusingly. Those two kids were out in that storm right now. Were they under cover or soaking wet and shivering with fear?

Thunder shook the window pane and lightning illuminated the two men. The admiral stood tall, self-possessed and detached. Vega realized, with a sharp pain, that he no longer knew that man. You think you get to know someone when you fight side by side, sleep beside each other and wake up together. James watched over him when he'd had too much to drink. Listened to him in the dark night of Space when Shepard shared his fears. The sex immediate and intensely physical, as if Shepard used it to prove he were still alive.

Once, in a perfect alignment of the Universe, James fought by his side. They'd lived through more battles than they had any right to. Later when the fighting was over. When the quiet of his quarters only amplified the sounds of battle and served the nightmares and restless sleep. Waiting for him, warm and strong, with a magic ability to hold back the demons, was James.

After the Reaper's defeat, James was the first person he saw when he opened his eyes in the hospital.

"John, please." Major Vega reached out to Shepard with the admiral's jacket in his hand.

Shepard shrugged the jacket over his shoulders. Then stopped short of the door. "James? I'm sorry..."

"Belay that, John," James said impatiently, opening the door. "Now's not the time. We've got to find those kids."

The wind and rain buffeted them as they stepped into the storm. They both turned their collars up. James pulled the admiral across the street and toward the beach. The sand hardened from the rain under his feet, Shepard ran with the marine, thinking quickly about where the children might have hidden themselves to wait out the storm.

* * *

_He deals the cards as a meditation_  
_And those he plays never suspect_  
_He doesn't play for the money he wins_  
_He doesn't play for the respect_  
_He deals the cards to find the answer_  
_The sacred geometry of chance_  
_The hidden law of probable outcome_  
_The numbers lead a dance_

_I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier_  
_I know that the clubs are weapons of war_  
_I know that diamonds mean money for this art_  
_But that's not the shape of my heart_

_He may play the jack of diamonds_  
_He may lay the queen of spades_  
_He may conceal a king in his hand_  
_While the memory of it fades_

_I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier_  
_I know that the clubs are weapons of war_  
_I know that diamonds mean money for this art_  
_But that's not the shape of my heart_  
_That's not the shape, the shape of my heart_

_And if I told you that I loved you_  
_You'd maybe think there's something wrong_  
_I'm not a man of too many faces_  
_The mask I wear is one_  
_Those who speak know nothing_  
_And find out to their cost_  
_Like those who curse their luck in too many places_  
_And those who fear are lost_

_I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier_  
_I know that the clubs are weapons of war_  
_I know that diamonds mean money for this art_  
_But that's not the shape of my heart_  
_That's not the shape of my heart_

_you tube: watch?v=S1xjq-QUOiM_

BUD/S Training: Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL www dot sealswcc dot com / navy-seals-naval-special-warfare-prep-school dot aspx


End file.
